Fact #1: I used to be obsessed with Game Show Network, or GSN as I liked to call it. Past tense.
I kinda figure you all know me pretty well already but...just in case you want to bone up on some pigeon trivia in case we ever get selected to go on a game show where they test your knowledge about your friend/family member/favorite blogger I have added this page for you.
I wish there was a show like that - instead of the Newlywed Game it could The "whatever relationship you have to this person" Game. I would totally lose that game. Because (Fact #1) I am not very observant. I would need to really cram with you for us to be contenders in this game. Keep it in mind when applying to be a contestant and considering me for your partner. I would be really good though, you just need to give me a little "about you" page so I can cram at the last minute because I am really good at cramming (Fact #2). Speaking of applying for game shows – do you think that my man and I should apply for Amazing Race? I really, really think we’d have a chance.
A chance of getting on the show, of not winning. We would never, ever be able to win that show, which is why I think it would be funny to be on it for one episode. Do you think my program would give me a leave of absence for that (I’m kidding, people who work at my job with me! Completely kidding. I haven’t even printed out the 11 page application yet).
I used to be obsessed with the Game Show Network (Fact #3). There was this game they used to play that looked like it was filmed in the '60s where they would test who knew the man better his wife or his secretary. That is some good programming right there. The secretaries always won.
You really have everything that you need to know about me now. Recuperated game show addict. Well, since I am giving you "facts" here, I should admit that I DVR Jeopardy and we watch it while we eat dinner on the regular (fact #4). Yes, we watch a show where you feel compelled to blurt out the answers while eating. I just realized this is weird.
Also - I don't like to watch Jeopardy because I do not like Alex Trebeck.
I also have no patience for contestents who haven't learned the Jeopardy basics. First of all - you should be able to answer any question about the Big 5 Jeopardy categories. Why would you not study 1) the presidents 2) ballet, opera and classical music, 3) Shakespeare, 4) Geography and 5) the Bible? Now, I currently know next to nothing about all of these categories, but I sure as hell would be cramming for them before my appearance. I think that if you are smart enough to be selected to be on Jeopardy, then you should be smart enough to know FOR A FACT there will be at least 3 of these categories, or some cute variation of them on any given night. Do you not know in advance that you have been selected as a contestant?
What does Alex come steal you out of your bed at 3am and then keep you sequestered with no materials that you could use to learn about the books in the Bible, because there really is no excuse (other than this) to defend you if you miss one of those questions.
And, please, before you go on Jeopardy, think about your story, ok? Because as I understand how the chatting portion of the show works, YOU SELF REPORT some things that you think are interesting about you and Alex picks one to ask about on air. No one is calling your enemy from high school or your ex-boyfriend to find out that you "once realized I had scurvy because my gums were bleeding" or that your engagement ring cost $11. Food for thought people.
And DO NOT get me started on Wheel of Fortune.
